How To Masturbate
By Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Although I’m sure that most of you already know how to masturbate, I don’t want it said that I left out such a basic part of good sexual functioning, so here are some instructions.
Before I get into specifics, let me say loud and clear that the best tip that I can give you is to do what feels best to you. There’s no right way or wrong way. You can use your left hand or your right hand or both hands. Whatever turns you on, as the saying goes….and those words can’t be more appropriate than in the case of masturbation.
Male Techniques
A common word for masturbation is a hand job, and the hand is certainly the most popular instrument use by men for masturbation. What are the alternatives, you ask?
Some boys masturbate by rubbing up against the bed sheets. Some men masturbate by putting their penises inside of a specially made, life-size rubber doll. Sex shops also sell devices that simulate a vagina. Many, though not all, of these devices look like a vagina, and the man can add lubrication to make the rubber feel more like one too. I don’t know how popular these alternatives are; although my guess is that the vast majority of men rely on their own two hands.
Some men put a lubricant, such as Vaseline, either in their hand or on the shaft of their penis. Some men prefer to masturbate lying down, others standing up, and others don’t care what position they’re in. Most men enjoy looking at erotica of some sort while they masturbate, so the only kind of atmosphere they require is enough light to see the foldout properly.
Younger men sometimes practice group masturbation, nicknamed a circle jerk because the guys involved usually sit in a circle. Although this activity may appear to have homosexual overtones, it really doesn’t for most of the males involved.
Mutual masturbation between two young men is not all that uncommon either; again, it does not mean that either of the participants is gay. Research shows that about 25 percent of heterosexual males engage in such activities in their early teens, while 90 percent of homosexual teens do.
Female Techniques
Although males all tend to masturbate pretty much the same way, females don’t. The key, of course, is clitoral stimulation, but the ways women achieve clitoral stimulation vary. Certainly many use their hands, the way men do, but many women who feel the need to masturbate are reluctant to touch themselves. And many women require more stimulation than their hands can provide.
Out of those needs has developed a multimillion-dollar industry in the manufacture and sale of vibrators. Vibrators come in many different types, each with its own pluses and minuses. I wrote some material that accompanies one particular device that oscillates instead of vibrates, called The Eroscillator. The following descriptions will give you a good idea of the choices that are available.
I’m all in favor of vibrators if a woman needs the extra sensations on her clitoris to become orgasmic, and I often recommend them to women. The problem that vibrators have is that the sensations they offer can become addictive. In other words, no man, sans vibrator in hand, can achieve the same level of sensation that a vibrator can. If a woman becomes used to having her orgasms via a vibrator, and she then has sex with a man, she may well end up disappointed.
In my opinion, a vibrator is great for learning how to have an orgasm if you can’t do it with just your hands. A vibrator is also very good for giving yourself a special treat now and again. But if you plan on having sex with a man sometime in the future don’t make a habit out of using only a vibrator to have your orgasms. Vary the techniques you use so that, when sex becomes a shared experience with a man, you’ll be in peak form.
Plug-in Vibrators
Plug-in vibrators are the most powerful ones available; some women find them too powerful. Many plug-in vibrators are marketed as body massagers. Undoubtedly, some people use them only as body massagers, but certainly a great portion of their sales are to women who use them to stimulate the area around the clitoris. Among the brands of plug-in vibrators is The Eroscillator is a plug-in type, but instead of vibrating, it oscillates, up to 3600 times a minute, which provides different and intense sensations that women who’ve tried it say they prefer. This device has several heads and, because it comes with a step-down transformer, is safe to use around water.
Other plug-ins include the double-headed massagers and the coil-operated vibrators. The double-headed machines multiply the possibilities (such as stimulating the clitoris and anus at the same time), and a man can even place his penis between the two vibrators. The coil-operated vibrators are smaller than the wand-type, a lot quieter, and also more easily carried in a purse.
Because the coil-operated vibrators were really developed more for sexual play than for massage, you have a long list of various attachments available to use. These attachments offer different types of stimulation, and I usually suggest to a woman that she try out several different varieties to discover which ones give her the most pleasure.
Battery-operated Vibrators
Battery-operated vibrators are less expensive than the plug-in type, they’re more easily carried, and they offer more gentle vibrations – which can be a plus or a minus, depending on your particular needs.
Many battery-operated vibrators come in the shape of a penis and are called phallic-shaped. Because most women need clitoral stimulation, a penis-shaped vibrator is not a necessity for every woman, although many women certainly enjoy the vibrations inside their vaginas as well. You can also find battery-operated vibrators that are long and smooth but not actually penis-shaped, some of which come in small sizes so that they are both portable and concealable in a purse or luggage.
Some vibrators don’t look at all like what they are. The Hitachi Mini Massager is small, square rather than phallic-shaped, and has a cover to hide the head – very discreet in appearance. Also, some are devices meant to be entirely inserted into the vagina; these are nicknamed vibrating eggs.
Butterflies are vibrators that come attached to bikini-like straps so that you can wear them, like a bikini bottom, for hands-free vibrating. You can also buy a butterfly pouch, which can hold one of the smaller battery-operated vibrators.
Other Equipment
Most vibrators are made for clitoral stimulation, but what if you want or need to feel something inside your vagina while the vibrator is doing its job on the outside? That’s where a dildo comes in. A dildo is a phallic object that you insert into your vagina to simulate the feelings that you would get from a real penis. Dildos have been around a lot longer than vibrators. In olden days, dildos were carved out of wood, ivory or jade. Nowadays, silicone rubber seems to be the material of choice. Many dildos look exactly like an erect penis, and they come in all sizes. But because lesbians form a large group of dildo users, and many prefer a dildo that doesn’t look like a penis, you can purchase dildos that come in all different shapes.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer