Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew About Sex
By Dr. Ruth Westheimer
All of you guys who complain that you don’t get enough of “it,” read the following tips closely. I know how you men often resist asking for directions, but if you’ve lost that loving feeling, then read on with an open mind and force yourself to accept some guidance on how to get to the Tunnel of Love.
1. Chivalry Isn’t Dead Yet
Apart from a handful of ultra feminists who get insulted if a man holds the door for them or takes off his hat in the elevator, I believe most women still enjoy being treated like ladies. Although this idea also holds true for total strangers, who may only reward you with a wide smile for your efforts, it most definitely applies to the woman with whom you share a relationship, where the rewards can be of far greater consequence.
Bringing a woman flowers or chocolate, taking her out to dinner, calling her during the day – all these little details are important not because of what they cost in terms of money, but because they show that you care, that you are thinking of her, and that she matters to you.
However, empty gestures that are intended to only get a woman in bed are not chivalrous, and they won’t earn a man his rank of knighthood, either.
2. Appearances Do Count
As a man you are probably very conscious of how the women around you look, whether that woman is your partner or someone else. True, you may be more concerned with the length of her hemline than whether or not her shoes match her bag, but you can’t get away with saying that you don’t pay any attention to the way that women dress. Although most women take care to look as presentable as possible to their men, many men won’t return the favor.
Perhaps you’re one of those people who doesn’t perceive yourself as being sexy, but you are – especially to your partner – so try to look the part.
3. You Can’t Hurry Love
The notion that men get turned on a lot faster than women do is very true. One can speculate on the reasons for this, but the reasons are irrelevant because knowing why won’t change anything. What women wish that men would realize is that, if a man wants to have sex, he has to put romance first. He doesn’t have to make things complicated. So even if you’re champing at the bit, you have to be a tad more patient.
Before you were married or living together you probably took her out on dates, long walks and looked into each other’s eyes. As a result, she would be in the mood to have sex with you. Men have to learn that those patterns of romantic behavior must continue after you’ve said “I do” – not necessarily every time, but often enough to show that you really do care.
4. A Clitoris is Not Just a Small Penis
Many men think that the clitoris works just the same as a penis. They’ve grasped the point that the clitoris is the seat of a woman’s ability to have an orgasm, but they haven’t figured out that a clitoris is a lot more delicate to have an orgasm. Many women can’t bear to have the clitoris touched directly because it hurts. They need only to have the area around the clitoris caressed and rubbed to give just enough stimulation so that the clitoris doesn’t actually hurt.
So guys, store this fact away in your memory banks: just because a clitoris grows bigger when the woman gets excited doesn’t make it a penis. For most women, rough sex is a total turn off. If you’re concerned with giving your woman an orgasm, work at it gently, and you’ll have a great deal more success.
5. Women Need to Bask in the Afterglow
Women take longer to get aroused than men and longer to come down from that aroused state. If you roll over and fall asleep she will feel abandoned. And leaving her feeling alone is not a good way to end a session of lovemaking.
Isn’t your wife or partner worth an extra ten minutes of consciousness? Afterplay has an extra benefit – if you play your cards right, the afterglow will last right up until the next day and become the start of foreplay for the next session.
6. Kinky Sex Isn’t Sexy Sex
You can find women that do love kinky sex, such as threesomes or wife-swapping groups and sex clubs, but for the most part men are the ones who have these kinky sexual appetites. One thing the wives of these men want to know is why, and I can’t give them a good answer. It may be that men have more active imaginations, or maybe they’ve watched more porno movies. Whatever the reason, most women want no part of theses scenes. They are quite content with having sex with their man, without anyone else looking on or joining in.
7. Wandering Eyes Mean Less Sex
If you’re out on a date, and you see a beautiful woman walk by, and you gawk at her so that your date or wife can see your tongue hanging out, that situation will not sit well with her. She will get angry at you, you’ll have a fight, and for the next few hours the odds of the two of you having a sexual encounter will be slim to nil. Women don’t find fighting for your attention particularly sexy, and that includes competing against televised ball games, sports cars being driven down your block, and, most of all, pretty women walking by.
Your lover wants to think you consider her the most desirable woman on earth. Can she really be expected to do that when you’re busy staring at the body of another woman? Of course not. So if you consider yourself a stud, don’t think that looking at other women needs to be part of this role. Real macho men like to engage in sex, not just fantasize about it, and ogling will not get you where you want to go.
8. Slam-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am Doesn’t Cut It
Time to get down to the real nitty gritty. Premature ejaculation is the term used for this particular affliction. However, if you fall into this category, you will have nothing to worry about because the condition is nothing more than a learning disability. It is important to know that a man is not considered a premature ejaculator by some pre-defined amount of time that he can last before ejaculating. All you need to ask yourself is whether or not you are dissatisfied with your performance. What’s important is that you learn how to gain control of when you have your orgasm gentlemen, so that you can decide when to ejaculate instead of ejaculating due to circumstances beyond your control.
I often get asked why men have this problem, and the answer is no one knows. But as long as men have a cure, the reason really doesn’t matter, does it?
9. Changing Diapers is Sexy
If you never realized how important a role changing a baby’s diaper has in your sex life, then you don’t deserve the title “terrific lover” just yet. Mommies change a million diapers. But just because they do doesn’t make the task any more pleasant. So when Dad offers to do the dirty job, that makes Mom feel very good. So good that later that night she’ll still remember it, and Daddy may get his reward.
10. Just Because You Can’t Doesn’t Mean You Won’t
I want to talk to you older gentlemen. I know that you can’t always perform the way that you used to. That doesn’t mean that your sexual life is over yet; it most certainly isn’t, but you do need more time to get ready for the next sexual episode. But remember this truism that many of you either don’t want to admit or just never realized: You do not need an erection to satisfy your wife. Very often, if a wife feels “in the mood,” and the husband does not, he’ll either ignore her desires or he’ll try to have an erection. Then, when he can’t, he’ll give up on the idea of sex altogether.
No law says you have to have an erection to have sex. You can please your partner in a variety of ways. You can give her a fabulous orgasm with your fingers, your tongue, or a vibrator. Don’t be selfish. Just because you aren’t in the mood doesn’t mean that she has to be frustrated.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer