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Ten Things Men Wished Women Knew About Sex
By Dr. Ruth Westheimer
1. Try not to give mixed signals
Turning men on doesn’t take much; if you’re not careful, you can do it accidentally. A man can have an erection in what seems like milliseconds. Be sure you are communicating when you want to be intimate, and if you aren’t in the mood, be sure to communicate why. Although they often don’t admit it, men are sensitive and the rejection could prevent him from trying again later when you ARE in the mood!
2. Lack of Sex Really Can Hurt
The term is blue balls, and he is not putting you on when he says his testicles hurt. They can absolutely ache from the need for sexual release. Now, the pain is not so acute that a man can’t stand it, and, if no one else is around, all he has to do is masturbate to bring needed relief. However, if you get a man that excited and then change your mind you can hurt their egos as well as their testicles.
3. Sometimes Wasting Electricity Is Okay
Men get turned on visually. I know that a dark room with the covers drawn up to your chin helps women to feel safe enough to get aroused, but for the sake of your man, how about leaving the lights on once in a while? As long as the room temperature is warm enough not to cause goose bumps, give your man the visual stimuli he desires.
4. Teamwork Is Important
The more teamwork you have in your sex life, the more communication you will have between the two of you, and the happier you’ll both be. So don’t just lie still and expect him to do all the work. Initiate sex. Buy some sex toys. Many men would prefer to bond not by talking but by doing something together, as a team.
5. The Playboy Playmate Is Not a Threat
In reality, Playboy is just the opposite of a threat. Very few men ever get to even meet a centerfold, much less go to bed with one. The man who gets turned on reading Playboy isn’t going to rush out of the house looking for Miss October. Instead, he’s going to come over to your side of the bed and look for you. While the sexual content in Playboy is more blatant than the romance novel on your bedside table, your man would really appreciate your tolerance – if not understanding – of his choice of literature.
6. The Day I Stop Looking is the Day I’m Dead
The key to keeping both partners happy is not to force anyone to wear blinders, but, instead, to use discretion. If your man stops looking at other women, it probably means he’s also stopped looking at you. It may mean that he has lost all interest in sex, and that idea’s certainly not a bonus. With two partners in a relationship, looks aren’t the only thing that keeps them together, so looking around is really not that much of a big deal.
7. If You Really Loved Me, You’d……
Right. You guessed it. The topic here is fellatio – oral sex on a man. Categorically, a woman should never do anything that repulses her. But ask yourself: is it really that repulsive? If you’re concerned about cleanliness, get a washcloth and clean his penis. Men who crave this sex act do not see it as degrading to women. They want it because of the sensations. Even if this never becomes a regular part of your sexual repertoire, you can at least make his birthday special.
8. The Way to a Man’s Heart Is Not Through His Stomach
Some women, after a few years, or maybe after they’ve had a few kids, seem to withdraw from sex. Such a woman may thing that as long as she puts down a good meal in front of her husband that is all he needs from her. That idea may work for a while, but then get a new secretary, go to a convention in Las Vegas and all of a sudden his attention is permanently drawn elsewhere. If for some reason you seem to have lost your sexual desire, don’t just assume it happens because you’re a woman. Loss of sexual appetite is almost always caused by something specific, so find a specialist.
9. To a Man, Sex is Different than Love
In general, men and women are different when it comes to sex. Most women need romance to become aroused, which means that their emotions are almost always involved, but most men can have sex without the act triggering an emotional response in them. Not to make any excuses for men who fool around on their wives, or philanderers who cheat over and over again. But, if you ever catch your man having sex with another woman, don’t throw away a long-term relationship without doing a careful evaluation. If it really looks like he was only in it for the sex, you may be able to save your relationship.
10. The Older a Man Gets, the More Help He Needs
Not every man knows that, at some point in his life, he loses the ability to have an erection that comes by itself, without any physical manipulation. When this happens, have mercy on him and don’t add to his plight. This problem does not signal the end of your love life; instead, it means that your partner now needs foreplay as much as you do. When a man loses his ability to have erections spontaneously, oral sex can definitely become even more desirable, and if you haven’t done oral sex much before, do consider it now.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer